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Day 44

Some days are better than other days. Today is April 30.

I woke up this morning feeling sore and tired. This surprised me because I hadn’t worked out yesterday, so I was expecting my muscles to feel less tense than they did. I’ve been trying to have a more regular sleep routine, but I had a hard time falling asleep last night for some reason. 

“Even though I know I really, really need to be studying for my upcoming Advanced Placement (AP) tests (and I’m sure I’ll kick myself for not putting in more time in the upcoming days), I could not find any motivation to do school work today.”

On the upside, however, my allergies didn’t bother me as much today as they had been for the last few days. This meant I didn’t have to rub at my eyes, blow my nose and use eye drops every five minutes, which I greatly appreciated. I remember in elementary school my spring allergies would be so bad I’d have to stay inside during recess. I’d bring my allergy eye drops with me every day, but even when I used them, I’d still rub at my eyes until they were sore and bloodshot. In the last few years my allergies haven’t been as bad, but I still don’t love having the windows and doors open in the springtime because so much pollen and so many allergens get in and make me feel crummy.

Even though I know I really, really need to be studying for my upcoming Advanced Placement (AP) tests (and I’m sure I’ll kick myself for not putting in more time in the upcoming days), I could not find any motivation to do school work today. I had set out all of my AP Calculus AB materials and fully intended to use the whole day today making flashcards and rewriting my notes, but none of that ended up happening. I felt guilty for not putting in more energy, but I felt unenergized and lethargic all day. 

I ended up not actually leaving my room (except, of course, to use the restroom and grab the occasional snack from the kitchen) until the evening. To pass the time, I watched numerous episodes of Criminal Minds, a few of which made me shed some tears. I don’t tend to get sad when watching TV, but an 11-season connection can hurt my heart when a character leaves the show. Despite the gore and dark side of humanity Criminal Minds displays, it also touches on the deeply moving and impactful relationships and friendships people can develop over time.

Don’t judge me, but I may have a type when it comes to television shows.”

In between my Criminal Minds episodes, I also watched the season finale of the crime drama Prodigal Son. I also watched a few episodes of the crime drama Bones, which I’d started several years ago but stopped watching around the fifth season. Don’t judge me, but I may have a type when it comes to television shows. 

As the sun was starting to sink behind the trees, I decided to step outside for a little while to enjoy the fresh air and stretch my legs. I was lazy, so I stayed in my pajama pants but tossed on a light sweatshirt to fend off any potential early-evening chill. I wasn’t outside for too long, but I did appreciate being able to watch the sunset and listen to the birds and insects chirp. I love my house and yard because it seems as if no matter where I look I can see nature and wildlife. Even on days like today when I’ve spent almost all of my time in my room, I can still watch trees blow in the wind and see birds stop by the flowers outside my room for a visit. 

“When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.”

Viktor Frank

Going forward I’m going to work on prioritizing school, especially because the clock is ticking on how much time I have left to study before AP tests. I’ve also let personal hygiene fall by the wayside for the last few days, so I’m going to hold myself accountable by taking a shower and putting away my laundry sooner rather than later. Some days I have more energy than other days, but in the end I always bounce back.

“When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.” ― Viktor Frankl

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