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Day 62

Is apathy contagious? Today is May 18.

I have to believe other people’s dreams are as strange as mine, or else I fear I might go mad. I had intended to wake up around 9 a.m., but when my alarm went off I was too caught up in my dream to care. I slept in for another hour, immersed in a world where my brother and I were throwing a Halloween party involving black magic, our cat and a potentially poisoned cauldron. I’m not even going to try to decipher what that strangeness might mean, but the adventure my mind made for me was far more interesting than the world I woke up into.

The sky all day seemed grumpy and gray, yet it refused to rain. I never mind an overcast day quite as much if the sky is doing something interesting, but when 11 a.m. and 8 p.m. look virtually the same I can feel any chance at productivity slip away from me. I knew my lack of energy wouldn’t serve me well, especially because I had to take my Advanced Placement (AP) Biology test in the early afternoon and study for my AP Psychology test later in the day.

I know it’s wrong, but I felt entitled to a bout of senioritis during the pandemic. I’ve worked extremely hard for three and a half years without any true break from academics, so I took a little too much advantage of this time away from school to check out of the world.”

To start my day, I heated up a few leftover slices of French toast and added butter and maple syrup. I know it’s not the most healthy meal, but I was feeling out of sorts and wanted to eat comfort food in an attempt to lift my mood. When I finished eating, I began organizing my notes into a cohesive document for my AP Bio test. A good friend of mine had shared her notes with me, too, so I copied them over into my own Google Doc so the College Board didn’t accidentally flag me for plagiarism if I had to reference them. 

She took the class a year before I did, so she had a different teacher and thus learned slightly more comprehensive material. I was glad she agreed to share her notes with me, and they ended up serving me well during the test. The AP Bio exam started at 1 p.m. and came in the form of two free-response questions, each with multiple parts. I felt pretty shaky about the first question and ended up leaving several parts blank or incomplete. With the second question, however, I answered all but one part because I ran out of time.

My cat took a nap in my mom’s bed today after my AP Bio test. Photo by Bailey Stover.

I think I could have done better if I’d studied more on my own after school let out, but I simply lacked the willpower to keep working. I know it’s wrong, but I felt entitled to a bout of senioritis during the pandemic. I’ve worked extremely hard for three and a half years without any true break from academics, so I took a little too much advantage of this time away from school to check out of the world. In the long run this will probably come back to bite me, but for now I’m going to try not to think too much about what my laziness will cost me.

In the evening my family and I ate dinner together and watched Slings & Arrows. We are on the second season of the show now, and it’s centered around William Shakespeare’s “cursed” Macbeth. I read the play as a sophomore, but my memory needed some refreshing via SparkNotes so I could grasp the premise once more. While we were watching, my mom commented that she thinks there are few families that could truly enjoy a show like this one because of its connection both to Shakespeare and to the theater. Because of our experience with English and theater, all of us are able to connect with the plot and characters. 

“Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.”

Pema Chodron

I have my final AP test of the year (I guess of ever) tomorrow: AP Psychology. I’ve made a study guide and only have about 10 more pages of my textbook to read, so I’m feeling optimistic. Nevertheless, I’m planning on doing a practice free-response question prior to the exam to practice, and I’m going to put in time tomorrow morning studying so I can make sure I get the score I want. I guess after tomorrow I’m officially done with all of the tests and coursework of my high school career. Isn’t that a strange thought? I’m not sure when high school will feel like it’s truly over, and perhaps it already does, but I would like some defining moment to give me a sense of closure and finality before I fully resign myself to my new reality.

“Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.” ― Pema Chodron

How did you spend your 62nd day of social distancing? Let us know in the comments below.

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